A ‘student’ approach to Leadership being my tool against Imposter syndrome

“A leader sees greatness in other people. He nor she can be much of a leader if all she sees is herself." Maya Angelou

This Wednesday I chose to be a leader who is not afraid to be a beginner, who is not only focused on what they bring to the table, but what they need to leave the table with after learning from others.

Imposter syndrome is a thing, but so is a I know it mentality.

In the last 6 months as a CFO at 29 ( 7th month I’m now 30), what I have had to acknowledge is this:

The tittle CFO at 29 in itself brought a fear- because it did not only say I’m a CFO, it highlighted my age and for me it didn’t necessarily feel like it was being said like that as a compliment but it had a question mark almost to it-😅 like how is Khuthi a CFO already? I thought of reactions of my first employers where I did articles, I thought of my peers, I thought of every other person and how they are probably asking- How?? And over and above that I asked myself with all the changes of roles I have done- will it last ?😅

The imposter syndrome when I walked into the organization, the same question since it’s a new role- I felt the questions were definitely more than the answers. I felt overwhelmed.

I not only had myself to prove myself to, I felt I had an audience, and that audience for me felt more like they were staring at every move I made as if I was on a stage performing for my life, and questioning whether I will hit every single note right like I had practiced or if the worst would happen- where I freeze and forget all my fancy lines-like what happens to most irrespective of how talented they are.

what if? What if? What if?what if I mess up😅? what if I’m not ready? What if my bosses made a mistake by choosing me? What if?

In the midst of me battling with just trying to be the CFO because I couldn’t change my age, I learned actually I don’t need to perform for anyone else but myself. I learned I was interviewed with other 14 people before getting this role( my boss mentioned only 3 months in), I learned to be okay with that - “Khuthi you are here and you are here on merit.”With every board meeting I became more of myself- and with every challenge I became aware that I had to tackle it and resolve it and do it excellently because that is who I am and that is what drives me - and that it wasn’t the title, my age, or the audience that requires excellence out of me, but that I required it out of myself because that is what makes me, ME!!

Things at any point can change, but I would still have myself to continue with, and I would love to still continue as the Magic I defined and called myself by. Magic simply put is excellence for me.And no one gave me that name but myself, so only I can deliver on it, I need no valid from circumstances, I just need to look within myself and be it- be Magical.

when imposter syndrome wore off, I had to enter a new phase-called humility.

Being a leader and leading an organization and people is a challenging thing- different personalities, thoughts, ideas and simply put managing my own changing emotions, ideas requires a lot of determination and patience.

As a leader everyone looks at you for answers and you could be tempted to always have a plan and answers and even push down your own thoughts and ideologies on others, however it merely means you are to be team lead- you just facilitate,direct and guide- but your team is capable, they to have magic in them that you need to let shine through.

One of my team members one day said- "Khuthi, are you listening to me" and I literally paused. I was listening, what she meant really was - I am speaking, you are listening but I don't know if you are hearing me.

Everyone longs to be seen and heard, to be heard without judgement, and almost always when a conflict arises, the underlying most likely involves feeling either unheard or unnoticed.

we ought to re-relearn to listen, to pay attention and to give what we all so desperately desire , belonging !!

In re- focusing I:

* I shifted my attention from having answers to listening to my team,

* I learned the simple art of essentially asking:

> how do you want to led,

> what do you need guidance with ,

> what can you run alone

> what are you afraid will go wrong,

> what should I pre-plan for so things are easier for you to execute,

> what is stressing you,

> what are our strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a team.

I have actually now learned- to be the best leader I am to be a student more than I am a teacher, because a good teacher puts themselves in the shoes of the student inorder to get the best from his students.

when the shift happened, I walk into rooms more excited to learn than teach and I end up teaching better because I am actually listening more😊

so no - I no longer have imposter syndrome- because the student in the room has no pressure- the teacher however has to perform, so because I don’t feel the need to perform and being myself is all I need- I lead by serving and believe me , those who feel appreciated will always be willing to do more.

I am a following leader who influences by doing.

~ Re- Journey

written by Magic